Rumpelstiltskin controls my internet

14 May

When I was a little kid I was certain that Rumpelstiltskin was the embodiment of evil. In my mind he was this terrifying little man that looked similar to that guy in the Leprechaun movies except Rumpelstiltskin has those freaky shoes that curl at the toes. Those shoes really freaked me out. They still kinda do. Anyway, if you don’t remember the story it’s about this poor girl whose dad was stupid enough to lie to a king and the only way she can save her life is if she spins straw into gold, which of course she can’t do. Here comes Rumpelstiltskin pretending to be all nice and says that he’ll help her if she gives him her jewelry. Sweet deal, right? Of course she does it and the king is stoked the next day when he sees all that gold so he decides to marry her but only if she turns a bunch more straw into gold. So the girl is screwed again but then comes Rumpelstiltskin and he’s all, sure I’ll help you but you have to give me your baby. I mean, what on earth does a little leprechaun man with curly shoes want with a baby? At this point I was certain that Rumpelstiltskin is a pedophile. Imagine an eight year old having thoughts like that. But the poor girl is thinking to herself, well the king threatened to kill me before, what would prevent him from doing it now? And maybe I’ll never get pregnant. So she says, sure you freak-tard, you can have my kid if you save my life again. And he does and the king marries her and for awhile the girl finds some happiness because she’s a queen but of course she gets pregnant. When the baby is born here comes Rumpelstiltskin again and he demands the baby and ruins the only happiness this girl has ever had. Anyway, it all works out in the end because they make a deal that she can keep the kid if she finds out his name, Rumpelstiltskin, which she does and he gets all pissed and talks about the devil and tears himself in two and the brothers Grimm were just about the most messed up people ever.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because I’ve become suspicious that my internet connection is controlled by Rumpelstiltskin. Okay, not really and I probably deserve the crap I have to go through in order to read blogs and play on facebook because I’m illegally using someone’s unprotected connection. But seriously, this is how it goes down. I turn on my computer and the signal strength is not great so I have to roam around our living room to find a place with a good signal and it usually ends up with me sitting on one of our tall dining room chairs with my feet propped up on the wall and my laptop balancing on my knees. I’m able to play Tetris Sprint or watch tv in this position for about twenty minutes before my butt rebels and I decide to just do some e-mailing or something that doesn’t require much of a signal. So I go on the couch where I have a few bars and write away and I’m feeling wonderful about my thoughtfulness and eloquence and I’m just about to send an e-mail or publish a new blog post when wham! the internet connection is gone. It literally feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. Okay, maybe not literally, but it hurts my feel bads so I get up and do the internet connection dance around the living room again but no matter where I go I cannot get a connection and I’m left feeling bereft. This is why in my mind there is a little man in curly shoes dancing around a fire with a router in his hands singing about how I may know his name but he knows the devil and that’s why he gets to take my internet happiness away whenever he feels like it.

Okay, that was kinda dark. Sorry. To cheer ourselves up let’s talk about fashion! I found some cute, cheap, skinny bermudas from Target for this week’s outfit but I feel like they need a button above the little slit but it needs to be the right button. Because you know how I feel about buttons. I like this one.

black glass button

Or maybe a little bow would be cute. Or a rosette! Here’s the outfit. You can decide. Total cost = $91

Black Target Bermuda

ModCloth Cream Soda Jumper

Urban Outfitters Sparkle and Fade scoop neck top

I love that hat! And I think it would look awesome with this outfit although I think it would be hard to find a bowler hat like that so I think a porkpie hat would be just as good.

Forever 21 Firework Sandals


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