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Bananarama

28 Feb

Somewhere someone was analyzing the different body types that people have and they said “Well, people with hips definitely look like pears.”

And the person they were with nodded in agreement.

Because this made so much sense the first person got caught up in the idea that people look like fruit so he continued on and said, “People who carry their weight on top kind of look like apples. You know, because pears are bottom heavy and apples are top heavy.”

The second person scratched his head and thought to himself, Some apples are just round, though. And some of them are pretty lopsided. Right? But in the end they remained silent.

The first person took this silence as encouragement and, caught up in his own brilliance exclaimed, “And if bottom heavy people are pears, and top heavy people are apples, then people who carry their weight evenly are bananas!”

And the second person said, “Now you’ve gone too far.”

But the damage was done and the first person went throughout the world spreading this idea about people as fruits. And just like the second man most people were with him at the idea of people looking like pears, and they were even willing to except the idea that top heavy people could be called apple shaped, but where most people drew the line was at bananas. Nobody really looks like a banana. We don’t curve that way. So instead they theorized that these people could be called rectangle. This is why fashion magazines are always writing stories about two fruits and a quadrilateral. So just to save anyone from future confusion, they are talking about how to dress your body type, not telling you a children’s story meant to introduce young’uns to the world of geometry.

Anywho, I would imagine that being rectangle (or straight) shaped is kind of awesome. Because this shape is in the middle you can really get away with any trend and look fine. But what I’m talking about in this series of posts is how to look awesome. So, let’s get started.

As with all body types the number one thing to remember is that if you want your body to look a certain way, you need to find garments that are structured to provide that shape. The common complaint among straight shaped women is that they can look a bit boyish so you want to look for garments that will increase the appearance of your hips and bust and be form fitting around your waist.

Jackets and blazers can be great structural pieces to add to a wardrobe but they can be cut in a highly masculine way. Try to look for something with princess seams or darts. This will give the appearance of a more womanly figure. Here’s a good example of one such jacket. It has darts in the front and princess seams in the back, and it has a ruffled yoke below the waistline which gives the appearance of hips so this one gets an A+.

And of course I’ve styled an outfit to go with it. The shirt has a gathered sleeve which gives the appearance of greater width through the shoulders and in turn a smaller waist. Any jacket or shirt with a strong shoulder is a good way to trick the eye into thinking the waist is smaller than it is.
These jeans are from Levi’s and are specially cut to fit women who have a straight shape.
Gathers and pleats are another great way to add volume to the bust and hips. Luckily we are going through a period in fashion where playing with volume is uber trendy so finding pieces to fit your needs is easy to do. Try to find pieces that hit at your natural waist. This is the spot on your torso that is thinnest and therefore the area you want to emphasize most. Luckily, this waistline is also uber trendy and easy to find and all of these outfits feature the natural waist.
This pleated skirt hits mid calf which can shorten the leg but you can turn this around by wearing tights and shoes in the same color and in the end your legs will look much longer.
ModCloth Don’t Steel My Skirt
Anthropologie Resonance Cowlneck
Anthropologie Resonance Cowlneck
Urban Outfitters diamond socks
So what are you going to do with all those baggy t-shirts and tunics that you love? Put a belt on them! No trend is easier to duplicate and no trend adds instant chic to an outfit like wearing a belt over your shirt at your natural waist. You can even put a belt on over jackets and cardigans.
Lastly, don’t make a face when you scroll down this outfit. I say this because it features a pair of tapered, pleated pants and this could give you horrible eighties flashbacks. But if you wear them lower on your hips, a little bit loose, and either rolled up or cropped then you will look ultra modern, fashion conscious, and best of all it will give you those hips you’ve been searching for. Remember, before pleated pants were all the rage in the eighties they were worn buy elegant women like Katherine Hepburn in the forties. Rectangle shaped women are really the only women who can get away with this trend so take advantage!

Forever 21 belted shirt

Anthropologie Pleaste Galore Crops

Also, I know this sounds weird but if you hop on the Oxford trend you’re better off not wearing socks if you wear them with pants or a long skirt. Somehow it just looks more feminine.

Deena and Ozzy Perimeter Oxford Shoe

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Shopping is hard when you’re not a size 4

15 Feb

Here’s a shocking fact for you, I don’t love shopping. At least not for myself. I will gladly go out with my sisters and friends and help them pick out an outfit and I’ll have a great time. But when I’m forced to pick out clothes that I’m meant to wear the joy goes out of the process completely. I have an odd body type for a woman because I carry most of my weight on the front and have absolutely no butt (I call my butt Negatron because giving it a Transformer’s name makes it a little less pathetic in my strange brain) and as a result it is nearly impossible to find pants that fit and most shirts and sweaters are too clingy around my middle.

This was hard to deal with as a teenager because all I wanted to wear were baggy pants and tight t-shirts with cool graphics on them. I was so envious of those girls who could wear low slung pants that showed off just a little bit of their perfect tummies every time they moved. (Come on, I know you all remember the fashions of the late nineties. It was all about giving people a sneak peak of your abs)

Luckily my ideas about fashion changed. I opened my mind to skirts and dresses for every day wear because they fit me so much better than pants and I became willing to wear other things besides graphic tees and sweatshirts (although I still wear them around the house for comfiness sake). I also quit shopping in stores because it makes my heart hurt a little bit every time I go to a store and am forced to sift through all the beautiful clothes I’ll never wear in order to find the stuff that will fit oddly shaped me. Now I can get online and do localized searches for what I need and it brings back some of the fun. That way I’m focused on what makes me look good as I am, rather than wishing that I looked like someone else so that I could fit into certain styles. And isn’t that how life should be?

So for my next few posts I’m going to put up outfits that are specialized for certain body types. I’ll be ignoring price for the most part just because these are more to give you an idea of how to highlight the awesomeness of you, rather than show you awesome internet deals like I usually do.

The first body type I want to talk about is the pear shape. This is actually a great shape to have because it’s the most common shape for a woman, thus most clothes are designed with a smaller waist and larger hip in mind. Plus, butts are in! There aren’t too many rappers out there talking about how they like a jiggly belly. No, instead they are praising the apple bottomed girls. Frankly, I think my life would be easier if I were one of them.

Anywho, what you want to keep in mind when pulling together an outfit is de-emphasizing the parts of yourself you’re not crazy about and highlighting what you do like. So for pear shapes you’ll want to wear clothes that are tighter on top and looser on bottom. Dresses and skirts that hit at the natural waist and are gathered or pleated are a good way to achieve that. Most people believe in the old adage that a-line skirts are the most flattering but I would disagree simply because they tend to lack structure, and when you’re trying to hide a flaw you need something that holds its own shape.

Also, wearing heels is a good idea because it thins out and lengthens the leg. Even just a kitten heel can make a huge difference.

Here’s an example outfit:

Talbots Belle flower full skirt

J Crew Sequin Mist cardigan

ModCloth hours at the library heel

Another great way to slim and lengthen the leg is with a wide leg trouser. Make sure you’re looking at pants that are either relaxed or straight through the hip and thigh rather than fitted otherwise you’ll have major bell bottom action going on. Also, wear the type of shoes you’ll be wearing with the pants when you try them on and make certain you don’t get them too short. They should be about an inch from the floor when you wear them with your shoes (longer if you’re worried the material might shrink). Also avoid whiskered distressing whenever you buy pants because that will make the leg look wider.

Ann Taylor Signature Bergman Tweed Trouser

ModCloth Served With a Side of Character sweater

Steve Madden Dynastee Wedge

 

And of course there’s always the option of wearing a long sweater or jacket to cover things up. If you do this you can get away with most styles, even pencil skirts and skinny jeans. For skinny jeans try wearing jeggings or going to a store like Levi’s that make jeans for girls with different body types. Just remember, if it doesn’t fit in a certain area don’t be afraid to go a size up and then get the item tailored. I know that it feels like a sucker punch to the gut when you try on something in the size that’s supposed to fit you and it doesn’t, but wearing clothes that are too tight will make you look bigger than you actually are.

Anthropologie Twisting and Turning Cardigan

ModCloth Whitecap Waters Tunic

Levi's Bold Curve jeans

Forever 21 Buckle Up Combat Boots

Lastly, you can always just embrace your curves and wear whatever the heck you want! It’s hard enough being a woman in this world without being forced into these rules so feel free to forget everything I’ve said and just do your own thing. If you love it, wear it!

Prairie Goddess

8 Nov

Long skirts are making a come back and it’s about freaking time! I’m really done seeing full grown women prancing around in outfits that make me think they are trying to live out their naughty school girl fantasies. (*vomit*)

Marc Jacobs was the first major designer I noticed to tap into this prairie/hippie/long skirt trend with his fall 2010 collection and I am thrilled to see that other, more accessible designers are hopping on the band wagon. Also it goes with one of my favorite songs from Hot Hot Heat’s newest album so it gives me an excuse to post the song on this here bloggy thingy.

What’s that? You demand an example outfit of the prairie trend? Well, I’m happy to oblige.

outfit total cost = $105

Urban Outfitters Lucca Couture Prairie Dress

Urban Renewal Cropped Corduroy Blazer

Charlotte Russe Lace-Up Work Boots

Paaaaainnnn!!!

21 Jun

Gall bladders are evil. In fact, I think it isn’t a gall bladder so much as a devil living inside of me who decides once a year to entertain himself by twisting my intestines around his pitchfork. I’m in so much pain that I can’t even bring myself to go to the hospital because the idea of putting on clothes and driving and parking and going to the waiting room and filling out paper work and sitting on horrible plastic chairs just so a doctor can decide whether or not I deserve perkiset is too overwhelming.

And that’s as far as I got before the pain became too much for me to even look at the computer screen anymore. That day was among the worst of my life. Eleven hours of torturous pain so intense that my muscles are still sore three days later from all the writhing in agony and fervent praying that I did. If it happens again I’m getting surgery. I don’t care if I go for eighteen months without having an attack like I did last time. I almost went to the hospital. Miraculously I managed to put on clothes even though the feeling of fabric on my skin was like a thousand needles brushing up against me every time I moved. After taking five steps out of my bedroom my legs stopped working and I collapsed in a ball on the floor for an hour, unable to cry because the only thing my brain was capable of processing was pain. And yeah, I’m being a little dramatic but not by much. Gall bladders are evil.

Honestly I wouldn’t be publishing this post at all because I don’t love to talk about the bad things in my life unless I can give them a humorous slant and thereby (hopefully) help people look at their own lives with some humor but I’m weird and I’m fascinated by the symmetrical balance of the title that I came up with while being tortured by my own body. Seriously, look at it. Is that visually captivating to anyone else but me? Also, this whole experience gave me inspiration for some plot points in the book I’m working on so something good did come out of this unimaginable experience. Optimism wins again.

Anywho, the other day my brother in law pretended to pout because I never do outfits for guys. I decided to give into his pouting because he’s funny and I like him and also because I really do love men’s fashion too. But I ended up doing far too much research and came up with far too many awesome sale items so instead of just doing an outfit I am featuring an entire winter wardrobe. Right now is a great time to get jackets and pants and shoes. So here you go Brady. I hope this makes you happy.

Urban Outfitters BDG Block Striped Cardigan

Urban Outfitters Standard Cloth Saxon Shawl Sweater

Urban Outfitters Comune Luke Denim Bomber

Swell Fox Dilemma Flannel

Matix Arlington Flannel

Swell O'Neill Ironsight Sweatshirt

Urban Outfitters Levis 511 Breaker Grey Jean

AE slim straight jean

KR3W Slim Cords Mens Pants

AE Chino

Steve Madden Igorr

Urban Outfitters Zuriick Eugene Strap Shoe

Urban Outfitters Bed Stu Maneuver Boot

CONVERSE CHUCK TAYLOR OVERPLAY PLAID

Feminism

19 Jun

The other day I was looking through the discount shelves at Barnes and Noble and a book with the title Why Women Should Rule the World caught my eye. I picked it up and looked at the discount. It was on sale for $5, one fifth of its original price. That’s eighty percent off. If it were a sweater I would have examined it for pulled threads and grease stains. The cliche of a feminist book being so heavily discounted in a Utah bookstore was not lost on me so I decided to buy it. You know, for solidarity’s sake. The surprise was that it actually turned out to be a book that perfectly sums up so many of the thoughts that I’ve had about feminism, modern society’s view of women, and what the goal of modern feminism should be. The title is actually meant to be eye catching and controversial so that you’ll pick it up. The author’s main argument is that women should rule the world alongside men, not because we’re better but because we’re different. We see and approach the world in different ways and because of this every aspect of public life could be improved if women were to take an equal share in it.

Being a feminist and a member of the LDS church can be a lonely and alienating thing. The attitudes that I encounter generally fall into two different categories: gender roles are divinely assigned and a woman’s first duty is to her family, or apathy. To the first there isn’t much I can say. I agree that it’s important for women to be mothers and wives but I don’t think that a woman should be forced to be a stay at home mom if it makes her unhappy. A lot of women feel that their lives are enriched if they spend even a few hours a week outside the home and that in turn makes them better able to fill their duties as mother and wife. But these people tend to be stubborn and immovable against even the most logical arguments so I let them be. As for the apathetic I really want to take them by the shoulders and scream in their faces. I don’t of course. But the fact is that despite the laws that were passed decades ago women are still paid less than men, assault against women is still a huge issue, and women continue to be overlooked for promotions and undervalued in the workplace. This is because change takes time. Attitudes, particularly negative ones, require generations to pass before they can be altered. Equality between races and civil rights is something that is taught in schools because we want to make certain that everything our country has worked toward in ending racial inequality is not undone by ignorance. I would argue that the equal rights between the sexes deserves the same consideration. Why it isn’t, I don’t know but I do know this: apathy, ignorance, and silence are the attitudes that social injustice feeds on. So if you find yourself having any of those attitudes toward feminism I would encourage you to pick up Why Women Should Rule the World by Dee Dee Myers or any book on feminism for that matter. If you don’t feel like reading a book then take a class. Get on the internet and do some research. Even if you just have a conversation with someone about it, you will be taking one step forward in keeping the cause of promoting women’s success in modern society alive.

So now that I’ve been all serious and made you question if this blog is actually about fashion at all, here is another one of my fantasy outfits. I think it’s super hot and it proves once again that a woman does not need to show skin in order to turn heads.

Outfit total cost = $105.80

hold you in pencil skirt from Newport News

You should know that in my mind the shirt is worn untucked and the belt would be worn at the natural waist. Also the socks I like are the off white ones. Thanks Megan for recommending that I check out Mango! Their clothes are quite awesome.

Mango Women's Boxy T-shirt

Urban Outfitters Origami Stretch Belt

American Apparel Socks

Forever 21 Strappy Pindot Heel

Fashion influences

13 Jun

When I was a kid I wanted to be a fashion designer. (And a marine biologist, lawyer, the first female president, an actress, and a singer, but more than anything else a fashion designer. I didn’t decide to become a writer until I was in my late teens and I’m still not super sure about it. Thanks modern society for making us believe we can be anything we want! Read this post from Hipstercrite. She perfectly sums up my feelings on the subject.) I loved clothes from a pretty early age, not just because I loved dressing up but also because the sight of someone wearing something out of the ordinary enthralled me and gave me a sense of endless possibilities. I was obsessed with certain movies mostly because they had great costumes. Princess Bride, Labyrinth, Clueless, Pretty in Pink, the list goes on but probably the most significant movie was An American In Paris. I don’t remember much of what it was about but I do remember wanting to wear full skirts with vests and ballet shoes and wanting to be a sad Parisian clown for Halloween because of the costume ball scene.

An American In Paris costume ball scene

I was particularly obsessed with that scene. I loved that everyone wore black and white, flamboyant costumes that managed to perfectly reflect their character’s personalities.┬áSo imagine how completely excited I was when I saw this dress from Shabby Apple.

Shabby Apple Baja dress

This dress is perfect. It doesn’t need a belt or jacket, you could wear pretty much any shoe and it would look amazing, jewelry isn’t necessary but you could totally wear some awesome bracelets. The hair possibilities are endless. But more than anything I think if I wore it I would feel like Lise Bouvier, the graceful pixie-like ballerina, ready to meet some hunky artist who will pull me into a passionate and tempestuous love affair. And of course it will all happen in Paris.

It’s Saturday right? No. Wait… Yeah, it’s Saturday.

5 Jun

So working at night and sleeping during the day has pretty much turned my universe upside down to the point where I no longer have any sense of time or progression. I basically only know how many nights I have left of work before the weekend. The other day when I woke up the girls one of them wanted to know if it was Wednesday and after thinking about it for way too long and still having no idea I just shrugged my shoulders and told her, “I got nothin’.” She laughed at me. The girls find me pretty hilarious in the morning, much as one might be entertained by a pet zombie.

This is a random subject change but I was going to add something about American Apparel and how much I hate their whole vibe but can’t help looking at their website because they have reasonably priced stuff and every once in a while I can find things I like but I’m too tired to go too far into it. I guess I’ll just say that there are fashions from the eighties and nineties that I really like and there are others that I completely loathe and it seems like AA features almost exclusively the fashions that I hate. But they have a super cool sack dress that can be worn in a hundred different ways and I’m featuring it in this post because the dress itself is awesome, not American Apparel. I know that hating AA makes me a fashion square because everyone and their hipster mom loves it but I don’t care. That was an awesome bit of writing right there. Maybe I shouldn’t try to post right before I go to bed.

Outfit total cost = $80.79

American Apparel Le Sac Dress

Urban Outfitters Tee

Forever 21 Skinny Belt

Urban Outfitters Cabbage Rose Sneak